Cougars in the playground

Ok so , today folks, I once again made the most common of  my own  parenting mistakes . Before I get into the nitty gritty of my own personal maman fail situation , I just have to say that I have ISSUES with all the bad/how to be a good, parent literature that’s out there. If you haven’t read any of “it” yet – DON’T . If you have – well , maybe you know what I mean when I say ; WE FEEL BAD ENOUGH ALREADY ….. stop writing these wonder parent/ caregiver type of tomes about how great you are. You (ie; Halo wearing super parenting writers) must have genetically modified kids – or a little problem with compulsive lying or …………whatever …; I don’t want to know anymore ; because at the end of the day I can only be the parent that I am , and always will be, forever and ever ……. AMEN. And , PLEASE take my kids for a couple of weeks & then we’ll re-assess your super care giver levels (not mine).

Just this week alone, two ladies that I know to be incredibly capable mothers ( amongst many other great things ) sent out help flares through facebook. One , just a simple message about being pulled three ways and how hard it was to be a hero , the other an exhausted message about spending half the day in the ER after her little genius got the childproof lid off a bottle of calpol and made herself an early morning cocktail ( my kind of gal 😉 ….. but I’m not supposed to say that either , am I ?

So , we’re back to the saying things I’m not supposed to again ….. well it’s more of a saying things that I realise I have to actually stick to in order to set the boundaries or prove myself in some sort of boundary setting game thing that kids ,(or more so my 9 going on 16yr old, hormonally challenged daughter) play with their parents. Maybe because I can never do things by halves, I managed to get myself into a major mexican stand off with her in one of Paris’ largest playgrounds.

There we were , having a picture perfect day out in Parc de la Villette , when my daughter lost the plot over a giant size abacus that my son & his playdate were busy pushing beads around. Now all the perfect parenting books say to stay calm , explain things in a normal voice etcetcetcetc … all of which I was doing , except of course my daughter wasn’t having  any of it ; and was standing screeching at me in the middle of the 3-5 year old sand pit . Much to the amazement of the totally in control , (possibly perfect parent book writers) people around me.  Seriously , do the parenty book writers have kids that go – ” Oh look – mother is doing her calm/ perfect parent /you’re in  trouble voice – I’d better stop flinging sand around the playground for 5 minutes to listen ??????” I don’t think mine would care/notice if I pulled out a balaclava & a ransom note when they are in that state .

So for every time my daughter answered me back (after she had run off in a total teenage meltdown scene where she took a swipe at me) , I textbook calmly added one weeks worth of TV BAN on to her punishment ….. I GOT TO 7 WEEKS & a total teenage meltdown myself before she realised I wasn’t giving in.

 7 WEEKS , people ……. what am I going to do????? I am freaking out here – because in my fake calm textbooky meltdown state , I also included no computers or audio visual entertainment. Which  means not even a 5 minute log on to you-tube for her favourite Katy Perry / Britney Spears/ Lady Gaga vids – she is going to drive me insane.

Now I know the perfect parenters will swear by the no TV rule thing in general. I’m just not ok with that at all. What is wrong with letting them watch a couple of cartoons while I jump in the shower ? Or to take 20 mins to call the bank manager to keep him off my back after I’ve gone a bit mad & taken them away swimming every day in the mediteranean for a month ???????? Hmmmmmm ????? Where is the harm in all that ???

I know (of) kids of 3 years of age who can count to almost 30 in two languages because of Dora the Explorer . Winnie the pooh and his fluffy / neurotic / manic / anxious friends have become the basis for some forms of  psychoanalysis – I’m not joking – apparently nearly every type of psyhcological disorder is in there somewhere and we all should be working towards being more like Pooh …. Pourquoi ?? Because, Pooh just is . ( Theoretically , that idea would make me a rabbit who wants to be more pooh – but that’s just way too complicated to fit into this meltdown scenario).

We also have TV to thank for taking the whole cougar mom thing out of the closet …. I never , ever thought I’d say it, BUT – I had a flash of what could be potential cougarmomness the other day .  Yes, I sure did…… and because of the wonderful world of addictive televised series …… ‘I’m totally ok with that’. ( which, by the way, is also a phrase I picked up from another addictive tv series). 

(Theoretically making me a rabbit with cougar tendencies who still just needs more pooh ?????)

I bumped into a dear friends youngest brother in law , who had been a mere gangly teenager hiding behind a Noel Gallagherish type of fringe at her wedding when I last saw him. It took me about ten minutes , a couple of double takes and a shocking plonk back into reality to realize that I was staring at the poor guy , going red and almost ( if not already) old enough to be his mother. The stunningly good looking things that emerge from behind these oasisish side burns / bieber cuts / grunge -goth beards never ceases to amaze me.

It made me get back in touch with the 16- 18 year old in me & remember what it was like to be hormonally challenged . God knows , I could have done with the, ‘soft spot for hormonal 16 year olds’, cougar in me at the park today – my daughter might not have ended up with the record breaking ‘7 weeks of no tv’ ban …..

Thanks for the tea , please send me updates on all addictive tv series asap 😉

Mama Sxx

ps ..Parc de la Villette is a really cool place to visit with or without kids in Paris. Right now it’s open air cinema season + it’s pretty much free. Bring a picnic, vin & some friends .      211 Avenue Jean Jaurés : Paris 75019.

pps ; My cougar interests sister in law made me laugh out loud by admitting to thinking about pulling out her skateboard ( she doesn’t have one) & playing hip electro music that she doesn’t understand the next time cougar boy visits. My kind of gal 😉



About The Atomic Irish Mammy

A little mama with a big mouth , two demented children , (well 3 if you count my hubby on a bad day), and an incredible talent for doing the wrong thing when it comes to parenting.
This entry was posted in dealing with difficult children, Living in Paris, temper tantrums, The business of having children, things other mothers never tell you but SHOULD, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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